I got a new client yesterday, I’m pretty darned excited about working on her place. Her garden is an elegant mix of country / wilderness with a bit of city flair. Her garden is structured, unconventional and site specific. And I have free reign now that she can’t keep it up any more; it will be lots of work and lots of fun.  

Here’s what I’m really writing about.

Have you seen the movie Sliding Doors? Gweyneth Paltrow ‘s life gets split in two when one version of her catches a train and the other misses the train. You get to explore all the “what if’s”. My new client could be my mom. They’re the same age, size, very similar upbringing and education. Her husband is the same age as my, ahem, male parent. They have similar hobbies even. It’s going to be interesting to get to know her. 

So, what if, what if I hadn’t been raised by a single mom? What if my mom’s marriage had turned out differently? My mom raised 2 boys as well as me.  

She had a profession, so she had a good job, but we lived very simply, most people would have called us poor. She didn’t rely on anyone for money, she never carried debt, she saved for her retirement. Her kids are all financially responsible.

If something needed to be done either she did it, or she taught us how to do it. As soon as we were old enough we did our own laundry, tended the veg patch, took care of things in the house. She only gave up mowing the lawn -with a push mower- a year ago, at the age of 76.  We learned that you can’t wait for, or expect someone else to take care of your stuff. if you want it done, do it. Her kids are all very independent.

We knew my mom gave up a lot for us, and took a big chance leaving my dad. She risked her safety to gain back, well, her safety.  We knew that we were important to her, she gave us her time, she participated, she made us feel worthwhile and special. My brothers are good husbands, and excellent dads, although they only had a mom for a role model. I am a good mom. 

My mom had courage, every single day, being a divorced woman in the 70’s, in a small Catholic town. She was an outsider because of it, she was discriminated against, and although she is very petite, smaller than I am, she stood tall. She taught us to be cultured and worldly, she didn’t teach us that life had dealt her a poor hand, she taught us how to be levelheaded, strong, down to earth, and open to the good qualities in all kinds of people, whether they were accepted or in the minority.

My mom’s life might have been a little more grand and carefree had her marriage worked out, but I don’t think she would have been a better role model.